I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize