Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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