I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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