carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
