I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
