I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
