the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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