I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
