my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
