i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
