i just wanna soil my oats bro
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
