Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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