he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize