I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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