He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
