nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
