i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
