I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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