we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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