I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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