Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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