when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
