We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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