i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
