ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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