my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
