ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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