I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
