Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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