i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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