I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
