I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
