You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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