I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
