Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
PANTIES FOUND
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