We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
