Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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