Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
