if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
