I think my vagina is haunted
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
