worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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