I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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