so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
