Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
