a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
