90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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