i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
