Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
