she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You left your phone here
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