I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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