My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
