Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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