too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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