Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
