I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
