I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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