So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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