remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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