Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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