I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
