She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
