We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
