this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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