I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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