i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
