Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
