I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
