I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
