Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
