How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
